body – Clara Hsu

Foreign Invasion

Sickness came quickly. In a matter of hours the body was battled down. I crawled into bed, and for two days, it was where I stayed.

Funny how everything seemed so distant and uninteresting even though the nerves were hypersensitive. The body has its own way of dealing with foreign invasions–shutting down what’s not necessary–I let it do its work.

I slept until I couldn’t sleep anymore, and bounced out of bed like a fully charged battery. The air smelled fresh, colors came back, the mind began to question all sorts of things, and food looked incredibly inviting. It was a victory, thank you. But how did “I” do it, if in fact “I” did anything? I can’t tell you a thing.

Inside

Slice open the body and take a peek inside. Examine every inch of the intestine, the liver, the kidney, the lungs, the heart. The valves may not be functioning. The stomach lining may be corroded. We see. We diagnose. We put our findings down as knowledge. But no matter how we poke around and think we have arrived at some understanding, the body retains its mystery.

Sometimes the body allows us to do things to it. Sometimes it takes back its ownership. In the immediate picture we are capable of manipulating all of its parts by cutting, stitching, repairing, intoxicating, detoxicating. Yet the coded molecules have their own paradigm and timing—they mutate, repress, blossom—are part of the cosmos, ever changing and fascinating.

When I smell the aroma of boiled sweet potatoes, the nose is the mouth is the saliva is the stomach is the stirring in the groin is the tingling of the toes.

Image from Nano Wizard.

In the Moment

As I sit thinking, each moment passes me by. I’m blessed with many moments. Some are dramatic, productive and creative. Most wither away without me giving them a thought. I don’t think one can add all the moments in one’s life and average them out to see if it is a life well lived. And if I keep asking myself whether in this particular moment I’m living to the fullest, I’ll have a nervous breakdown.

The mind makes decisions and accesses situations. The body is dictated by the biological clock. Even if the mind is sharp, the body deteriorates. To accept each moment of being to be totally whole without the baggage of the past is something I find myself working toward.

“We cannot go back.” My step-brother Richard and I discussed over dinner. “Conditions change and we change with them. You cannot put things on hold. It has to be now or never.”

Image by Jooli.