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Who’s My Community?

“I’m not bored, but lonely.” Said a friend.

She is an smart woman who has an active career and constantly doing “things”.  What’s lacking is someone to share her intelligence with—a companion for the mind and spirit.

I have felt the same way for many years.  Surrounded by friends and family, the feeling of isolation is curiously intense.  It was not until much later in life that I realized my community did not necessarily include my parents and siblings, and the people who I socialized with.   What was lacking was an intrinsic connection.  It was never  clear to me what it was until it was found, and then I knew.

My neighbor Richard complained that when he got together with his friends all they did was argue.

“A bunch of old farts.”  He said with contempt.

“But you join them every week.  Maybe that’s what gives you pleasure.”

“I guess so.”  He shrugged with a laugh.

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At The Dinner Table

Conversations around the dining table reveal personalities. The cautious, the skilled, the frank, the bored, the easy to please and the hard to please. It is a tug of dynamics engaged in the most civilized way, with food and drinks and everyone sitting down. Most people try to get through dinner without causing too much of a stir and conversation usually falls on the mundane side. But why should we spar? Why get into agitating topics like politics and judgements on the most recent catastrophic relationship? To maintain an outward peace means we’ll never get to know each other.

But my family does not have to be my community. I think they represent the greater world, a sampling of characters with different views that will never understand each other. We come together by the bond of marriage and blood, and like the greater world, learn to coexist side by side.

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