My sister-in-law Nancy is working on a web blog for her Life Coach practice. Yesterday we spent the afternoon looking at various therapist sites. The most powerful one identified all the unhappiness in the world: frustration, depression, anger, helplessness, powerlessness, and so on. At the end of the barrage the message is clear: you need HELP!
“The therapist is speaking as a person of authority. But as a Life Coach, I ask only open ended question.” Nancy explained. “Without judgement or assumption the seeker is allowed to go deep into themselves to find the answer and own it.”
I was reminded of the sages in ancient China, who, when visited by kings and noblemen, never gave them a straight answer to their problems. They were mostly scoffed at being mentally insane and sometimes their reply cost them their heads. But for those who listened they walked away being the wiser, knowing deep inside the answer was always within themselves.
A very wealthy man, after years of toil and avarice, seeks to endow the local monastary. He goes to the abbot and says he will do this, but he requires something of the abbot, for his effort in giving what he has gained: he wants some wisdom, an answer to the long tumultuous unasked question of life. The abbot, hand on chin, says, “Mmmm…I will ponder this request.” And he goes back to the monastary. After weeks of contemplation he goes to visit the wealthy man. “Well, what do you have for. Something worthy of my gift to you I hope.” The monk sits down before the merchant, folfs his hands in his lap, takes a deep, cleansing breath, looks the old thief in the eye and say, “Grandfather dies. Father dies. Son dies.” The rich old man gasps. He is outraged. “What! I give wealth and ease, raise you order higher than any other order in the kingdom, and this is what you give me? What kind of answer is this?” The old abbot stares at the man, puzzled, “Why? Would you have life ordered some other way?”